ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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