I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
youre lurking in front of me
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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