just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
