did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
