I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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