please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
