I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
