i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
