Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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