32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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