About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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