What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
this hospital has no fireball
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down