is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!