He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.