i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
