Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
God, I missed his penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
