one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
