she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
