i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
