I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol