This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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