do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
well you can't waste a boner
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving