I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
