Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
