i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
