I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
