i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
