That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
