I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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