GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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