Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
