You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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