Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
