um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just want nice things and good sex
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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