Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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