Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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