I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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