She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
this hospital has no fireball
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
