come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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