Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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