I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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