All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
