I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
