I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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