Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
