i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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