Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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