You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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