so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
