He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
