I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
