And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
