I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
