you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
