My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
