if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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