i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
