He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
