she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
