i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
