Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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