Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
