Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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