apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
