I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
