The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
