Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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